Shalom and thank you for your question! It’s encouraging that you are actively seeking ways to deal with your distressing situation, by going to counseling and seeking Rabbinical blessings. It’s also a wonderful idea to seek Rabbinical guidance.
Let’s go back for a moment, a few thousand years ago, to the garden of Eden. Adam and Eve had been created, it was Friday, the eve of the Sabbath, a short while before the onset of the Sabbath. Adam had completed his first task in life, naming all living creatures with a name in Hebrew, a spiritual ‘formula’ of their existence. He had been granted a wife, a partner. They had received an instruction not to eat from theTree of Knowledge until the Sabbath would arrive. Along came the snake, the personification of evil, who succeeded in persuading Eve to taste of the forbidden fruit, by a clever ruse. Adam and Eve had been instructed not to eat the fruit of the tree, but had assumed it meant that they shouldn’t touch the tree. The snake cleverly utilized this to tell Eve, ‘Touch it and see that nothing will happen to you.’ The ruse worked, and Eve saw that indeed nothing happened. She ate from the forbidden fruit and gave it also to her husband to eat. From then on, the Sages of the Talmud explain, good and evil are mixed in the world.
All of this was not a coincidence. What can we learn from this event? Much has been written on the subject. One important point though, is that we are here in this world to sort out the good from the bad. This is an ongoing and challenging task, because as I said, good and evil are mixed. Pretty thoroughly. If we look at the next person, and if we look at ourselves, we find mixtures. Most people have good intentions, but their actions fall short somewhat of their goals and aspirations. Some foods might be tasty, that’s good right? Well, they might be tasty but also not healthy. Not so good…
Having fun is good right? Depends what kind of fun… You get the idea.
Till now I’ve been talking about the more superficial, external aspect of good and evil.
It goes much much deeper than that. The wicked Pharoah and his contemporaries dealt in ‘black magic’, or you could call it the forces of impurity. So did Napoleon.
But, and this is an enormous but, the forces of holiness are MUCH stronger. You yourself have access to them. For Jewish people, learning Torah and keeping the commandments give access and connection to the forces of holiness and purity. It means connecting to G-d and it is powerful. (For non-Jews it is through the Seven Noahide laws.) When we do this, we are revealing G-dly light in the world which utterly pushes away the darkness of the impure forces.
To access this power, I suggest that you connect with the Chabad house that’s closest to your area.
Remember, you can’t fight darkness with a stick, and a little light dispels a lot of darkness! The more you are connected to the light, the less hold the darkness will have on you.
I wish you much success and bless you from the bottom of my heart that you succeed in your positive endeavors!
