Shalom and thank you for your question!
You think that you may have found your true love but for some reason you left the relationship and now feel that you made a mistake, did I get the gist correctly?
Firstly, have you tried contacting him and telling him that, and suggesting that you get together to discuss it? What do you stand to lose?
Secondly…books can and have been written about love and relationships. In the scope of this answer I cannot cover it all.
I would like to point something out however. True love is learning to live together, accepting the other as a package deal, the good and the fun together with the annoying and the challenging. (If the challenge is too extreme or becomes abuse…that’s a different story.) For this reason we don’t necessarily know if we really love someone before the test of being truly comitted by marriage.
Today it is not so fashionable to get married…and we must ask ourselves why. Marriage is a G-dly idea, otherwise indeed there may not be such logical reasons to involve oneself in it… Since in our day and age people are often groping around for meaning, but for whatever reason not looking in the direction of religion, many are also not looking to get married. This is a shame, because marriage elevates a relationship. A great spiritual leader, Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk, was once asked where G-d is. His answer was “Where you let him in…”
A husband and wife share a bond in which G-d is more involved because He has been allowed to come in – by the mere act of getting married (with a kosher Jewish ceremony for a Jewish couple,)
(By the way – G-d is not masculine or feminine because He includes all those energies …in general contexts G-d is referred to as masculine, but the Divine Presence is referred to as feminine. Kabbala explains all this in depth.)
This sets the path for a more successful relationship, especially when the couple decides to incorporate G-dliness in to additional aspects of their daily life, such as keeping kosher, keeping Shabbat, learning Torah together, and keeping the laws of family purity. Any step in this direction will be a positive influence on the relationship.
Back to your question, the Sages recommend that we adopt someone to be our spiritual mentor, so that we have someone with whom to share our dilemmas with on a regular basis. (Excellent in the marriage situation also.)
If you try to reestablish contact with the man in question and it doesn’t work, my Rabbi says: “A mistake, until it’s made, comes from free choice. After it’s done, you can consider it Divine Providence!”
This means that if it doesn’t work out…don’t look back, go forwards, because this is how it’s meant to be at this point!
The more you try to align your life with G-d’s instructions, (as given in the Torah for Jewish people and in the Seven Noahide laws for non-Jewish people,) the closer you are to fulfilling your G-dly mission in this world…
Wishing you good luck and a very happy and meaningful year!
