Shalom and thank you for your question! It is a good sensitive question. Why was Hagar thrown out seemingly mercilessly with her son?
First I will share some seemingly unrelated ideas. There is a story about the Lubavitcher Rebbe that he instructed someone not to travel a particular route, by plane or by boat, and his advice was heeded. Unfortunately the plane crashed or the boat sank, and it was clear that the Rebbe’s instruction had been prophetic.
The Rebbe was asked how he knew, and he replied that he didn’t know but he felt it.
Another story involves two neighbors with children. One family’s children were in their mid teens, while the second family’s children ranged from 3 or 4 to 10 or 11. The teenagers regularly bullied the younger neighbors, and also caused flat tires and other damage to the car that belonged to the younger children’s father. The mother of the younger children approached the teenagers’ mother and asked her to intervene. She was met with refusal on the grounds that these were only ‘social games’ and it wasn’t her place to intervene. Having no better recourse, the mother of the younger children went to the youth section of the police station, and was asked if she wished to open a file against the teenagers, knowing that this would reflect on their futures. She did not wish to open a file, but did share what she had done with the teenagers’ mother, who was livid with anger at the very idea that someone considered such a thing! The bullying gradually stopped however.
Both Hagar and Yishmael made mistakes. Hagar conceived as soon as Abraham made her his concubine upon Sarah’s suggestion. When she saw that she had conceived on the very first occasion of intimacy whereas Sarah had been barren for years, she came to the mistaken conclusion that Sarah must not be as righteous as she made herself out to be, and began to act haughtily, as though she were the mistress and Sarah the maid. Yishmael was the son of the maid but he would always tell Yitzchak that he, Yishmael, was the firstborn and thus was entitled to a double portion of everything. They would then go out to the field and he would shoot arrows at Yitzchak. The commentaries explain that the mistaken approach of calling himself a firstborn brought about the violent behavior. Both Hagar and Yishmael repented from these mistakes. Hagar, (who was an Egyptian princess that chose to be a slave in Abraham’s household because she admired their righteousness,) was privileged to meet with angels and agreed to return to Sarah and treat her respectfully, while Yishmael only towards the end of his life as a wild hunter returned to Abraham’s household and changed his ways. When Abraham was buried Yishmael allowed Yitzchak to go ahead of him, which showed that he now understood his place.
Sarah was a prophetess and G-d told Abraham to listen to her. (Abraham was pained of course because Yishmael was his son, although not destined to be his spiritual heir.) I speculate that perhaps like in the story about the Lubavitcher Rebbe where he didn’t know details concerning the impending disaster, but did have a definite feeling that the person in question should not travel, so Sarah knew that Hagar and Yishmael had to go. In fact they were not allowed to suffer for long. G-d sent water miraculously for Yishmael and angels to reassure Hagar.
I also speculate that like in the story about the teenage bullies who needed to be sobered up a little by the idea that they might get a police record, so Hagar and Yishmael had to go through the temporary motions of being expelled from Abraham’s household before being reinstated. Hagar returned and served Sarah and years later in fact, Yitzchak came to bring Hagar back to Abraham as a wife when Sarah died. This would not have happened unless Hagar (who the Torah then calls Keturah because of her virtues… Keturah is related to the word Ketoret – the holy incense offering,) had been recognized as virtuous. I hope this helps and please feel free to ask more questions!
