Shalom and thank you for turning to us. We have not heard of a custom that a wife/mother must have in mind her spouse’s Torah learning and mitzvah performance or that of her children. Of course if she does so, and has in mind to request of G-d that her husband and children should continue to do so and be successful at these puruits, it is an ideal time to make such requests and very commendable. However even if the wife/mother did not have that specific intention this does not prevent the family’s Torah and Mitzvot from ascending.
Perhaps what was meant by the source of information you had is that the Torah learning and mitzvah performance of a woman’s family should be very important to her, so that she cannot help but beseech G-d to grant continued success in that arena. I would like to point out here that although primarily the mitzvah of learning Torah is an obligation for men, as it says in the book of Joshua 1:8 “…and you shall speak in it by day and by night”, using the masculine form of the Hebrew ‘you’, in recent generations spiritual leaders have emphasized that Jewish girls and women must learn Torah as well. This is because in bygone generations women were mostly in the home, and knowledge of Jewish practice was passed down from mother to daughter. However as women began to enter the work-force more and more, study secular subjects, and generally be involved more in the outside world – it was seen that there is a need for them to acquire Jewish knowledge which they would otherwise not have access to. Moreover, according to Jewish law, every Jewish person must be educated regarding the mitzvot which he/she is obliged to perform. Women are obligated in the performance of many mitzvot, only being exempt from certain time controlled ones. Even then in many cases a woman CAN perform such mitzvot and is encouraged to do so. The mitzvot of loving and fearing G-d (not a negative fear but more a matter of holy awe and fear of losing one’s connection to G-d,) are not time controlled and require constant study of the inner dimension of Torah to fulfill them properly. Thus girls and women also have much learning to do! It should be noted that unmarried girls can light one Shabbat candle from the age of three or from when they are able to say a blessing. This is a practice strongly recommended by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, RabbiMenachemMendelShneerson.
Every mitzvah has, you could say, a body and a soul. The body is the actual technical performance of the mitzvah, and the soul is the intention. Nevertheless with many mitzvot one has fulfilled one’s obligation by performing the mitzvah even without intention. So too in our case a woman who lights Shabbat candles with a blessing at the appropriate time before sundown has fulfilled the mitzvah without a doubt. The aim however, is certainly to focus on the reason for performing the mitzvah, in general and specifically, if the specific intention is known. The general intention of a mitzvah is to carry out G-d’s holy will.
The Hebrew word mitzvah comes from the root ‘command’ but also from the root ‘join’. Every command G-d has given us is also a way of connecting to Him. When we do this we are also causing the physical world and the spiritual worlds to connect. Specific intentions of mitzvot must be constantly learned. In the case of candle-lighting, it is to increase spiritual light in the world, and to honor the Shabbat by having an illuminated environment where people will not stumble in the dark, literally and figuratively.
The Talmud relates a beautiful story of the Sage Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa and his daughter. They were very poor and one Friday his daughter cried because she lit candles with vinegar instead of oil. Rabbi Chanina consoled his daughter saying, “He who causes oil to burn will also cause vinegar to burn”. Indeed there was blessing in her lights and they burned for the entire Sabbath! From this we may infer that her sincerity in wanting to perform the mitzvah properly brought about a miraculous response from Heaven. A wife or mother’s sincerity can certainly have a profound effect!
Lighting Shabbat candles means bringing the light of Torah and mitzvot to the world, a little light dispels much darkness! Candle-lighting is definitely an auspicious time to make requests from G-d.
