Self-awareness
Shalom and thank you for your question. If I get you right, you are concerned as to how to deal with or accept the fact that there are people out there who seem to totally lack the awareness that not only are others fallible, but also they themselves are.
Admittedly this is problematic, but let me try to shed some light on this complex situation. The prayer book ‘Shai l’Morea’ brings the explanation of the Malbim, a known 19th century scholar of great piety, on the closing section of the Amidah (also known as the Shmoneh Esrei prayer).”Oseh shalom bimromav, Hu Ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol Yisrael v’nomar Amen.” “He who makes shalom (peace and wholeness) above (in the heavens – the supernal worlds,) will make shalom upon all of Israel (the people) and we shall say Amen.”
Why does G-d need to make peace in the Heavens, where everything is spiritual and there’s no evil inclination? The Malbim has the following to say: (Shai l’Morea p.267)
“Despite the fact that the energies in creation, including their heads (or supernal source) that are responsible for them, oppose each other and each of them performs an action specific to them which is opposed to the action of the other, behold the Holy One Blessed be He combines and joins all the details to an inclusive whole.”
Again, we are talking about the Heavens here, where there is supposedly no evil! How could it be that these supernal energies do not take account of the others’ needs? The reason is because they are only creations of G-d and cannot go beyond what their ‘program’ is. G-d created and constantly recreates the world by the word of His mouth. G-d creates the ‘lower’ physical world using ten kinds of supernal energy. (Book of Tanya by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi. Sha’ar haYichud ch/10 p.174 “as expressed by Elijah, ‘You have brought forth ten Tikunim – garments, and we call them ten sefirot wherewith to direct hidden worlds unrevealed, and worlds revealed, and You conceal Yourself in them.”) These are the three intellect powers, Chochmah, Binah, and Da’at – Wisdom/insight, Understanding/logical fleshing out of spark of insight, and Knowledge/connection/actualization, followed by the seven emotive powers;Chesed/loving-kindness/expansion, Gevurah/severity/contraction, Tiferet/Beauty/Harmony, Netzach/victory/perseverance, Hod/glory/humility/flexibility, Yesod/foundation/connection, and Malchut/kingship/dignity/faculty of speech in the sense of connection. There is very much to say about these energies, but the world is comprised of them, and each person is a combination of them with certain energies being predominant. The type of person you are describing is often a go-getter, a person who gets things done – at least in their own estimation, and often in most other people’s too. Every energy – or characteristic as it manifests in people, has an up side and a down side. The Netzach type which seems to be the person you are describing – and trying to judge favourably as we are strongly recommended to do in ‘Ethics of the Fathers’ 1:6,is efficient – often at the cost of others’ feelings, and sometimes a person who accomplishes much. Of course, ideally, the idea is that all the energies should be integrated. A person with one type of predominance needs to work on developing that predominance with a spicing of the other energies, much like my mother of blessed memory used to insist that every cake recipe must include a little salt. We cannot force people to do this, and we cannot expect an apple to become orange juice or an orange to become applesauce.
Ok, so how are we to get along with the other types – how does G-d make peace in the supernal worlds?
We are taught that G-d’s will is manifest in the ‘four cubits of Halacha’, of Jewish law.
In an interesting stroke of Divine Providence, I came across a story today in a question and answer column of Jewish law that I think can reveal a little of G-d’s secret plan.
A man (in Israel) purchased many plates and other kitchen utensils (that according to Halacha need to be immersed in a mikveh before use} in a household goods store that has a mikveh for utensils outside for the customers’ convenience. He put his purchases in his car and drove a few meters. Suddenly he remembered that he had not immersed the utensils, but his parking spot was already taken. Leaving his car parked in the middle of the road, he got out and immersed every single plate and utensil while frustrated drivers honked their horns. He finished and drove home, and his conscience actually did start to bother him. Once he told his wife the story, she adamantly refused to use the utensils until a Rabbi had been consulted. The Rabbi said that the dishes etc did not have to be immersed again, but the blessing the man had made was invalid, and he would have to place a sign near the mikveh apologizing to the drivers. Here we see that firstly, it may seem that certain people have no self awareness or even potential for it – but you don’t know what goes on inside, and secondly, G-d arranges for us to rub shoulders with each other and reflect the other’s behaviour back to him/her, so that eventually most neurotypical people come to realize that there is a need to change.
It is worthwhile having a Rabbi/mentor/respected friend who knows you with whom to discuss daily struggles and dilemmas. There are ways to assert your needs in a healthy and polite manner, so that even hard core go-getters will have to listen – at least to a certain extent. It is also recommended to look for the positive side, the value, of every type of person. There is always a good side no matter how deeply buried. One also has to see the good side of oneself!
