Shalom and thank you for your question! I apologize that it has taken me so long to respond.
I hear the challenge in your situation.
Perhaps you are familiar with the stories of the Sages that show how infinite the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av v’Em, respecting parents, is. Nevertheless, it is also true that Jewish law, Halacha, excuses a child from listening to his or her parents if they request or instruct them to do something contrary to Torah law, such as desecrate the Sabbath. On the other hand, we learn right away in the book of Breishit, that Abraham left his personal conversation with G-d in order to receive strange wayfarers and extend hospitality to them. How much more so our parents…
G-d trusts us and expects us to use the talents he has given us to work out, each of us according to his/her individual situation, how to serve Him within the framework of the Shulchan Aruch, (Code of Jewish law,) in the spirit of love and unity. Not always an easy thing to do.
It will perhaps require planning on your part, so that you time your praying in such a way that it will be LESS likely to become a conflict. I emphasize less, because you point out that your parent/s are likely to call you on a frequent basis.
It says in Pirkei Avot, (the tractate called Ethics of the Fathers,) “Take for yourself a Rabbi and acquire for yourself a friend.”
This means that it is very important to have a relationship with someone you respect, who is knowledgeable in Torah, in whom you can confide, so that you can work out the best ways to approach your unique challenges.
According to Halacha, you are also permitted to learn Torah in the place your heart desires, and marry a person you see fit to, even if your parents should disagree. Hopefully you will not have to deal with such a situation.
Remember though, that we are also taught, “there is no vessel that holds blessing as much as peace.” The Hebrew word for peace as you probably know is Shalom, and it really means wholeness or completeness. The connection we have with our parents is called in Chassidic teaching, a ‘kesher atzmi’, an intrinsic connection that cannot ever be severed even if you are physically on the other side of the world. Somewhere inside of you, you can never forget them even if you try, nor they you. So ‘Shalom’ in this case means working, as much as you can, on a relationship where you at least know that you are trying your best, even if that doesn’t seem to be mutual. When you do your best, you feel whole, and can be at peace.
So our advice is to have a Rabbi/mentor/friend who shares your values, (preferably all three, but a Rabbi and a friend is an excellent place to start,) who can help you work out the details of this challenge, which is actually a Heaven sent gift to stimulate your spiritual growth!
Wishing you much success in all your endeavors!
