Shalom and thank you for turning to us! Overcoming one’s temper is a very important and very common challenge. How do we go about it? Firstly you ask for recommendations regarding mussar books. There are three classic mussar books that I would recommend. One is ‘Mesillat Yesharim’ by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato, (Path of the Just,) the second is Lev Eliyahu by Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian, and the third is Chovot HaLevavot (Duties of the heart) by Rabbi Bachya Ibn Paquda. In the Chovot HaLevavot there is a section called ‘Sha’ar HaBitachon,’ ‘Gateway to Faith’, and this is very relevant to the issue of temper, because it tackles the problem at it’s source.
What IS the source of experiencing challenges with temper? First we must remember that we are not a homogeneous brain, body and soul that are all predisposed to doing good in the world in a totally altruistic manner. There are certain righteous people in every generation who are close to that description but this is not true for the vast majority of us. The vast majority of us struggle with two conflicting tendencies on an ongoing basis. We possess an animal soul and a G-dly soul. The animal soul lobbies for time off from spiritual and material work (unless one’s particular animal soul likes a particular kind of work). It would like nothing better than lying under the shade of a tree and enjoying whatever it likes to enjoy, be it food or drink, or other kinds of merry-making. Some animal souls like honor and some like accumulating wealth – the more the merrier. Some animal souls are more refined and involved in higher pleasures like music or other art forms, for example. The G-dly soul on the other hand, is the one that reminds us that we made a good resolution, it searches for a way to make the Sabbath or the holiday more meaningful. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zone and reach out to others, and more… There is inevitable tension between the two souls, as is described in the above-mentioned books and also in the book of Tanya – a basic text of Chassidic teaching, by Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi. So what does this have to do with temper? The animal soul is not shy about complaining and demanding its share. It DOES have a legitimate case, as we know from the story in the Talmud where Hillel the Elder said that he was going to do a kindness for the ‘miserable one’. Who is the miserable one? He referred to his body, which needs physical things like food and sleep etc. Hillel realized that the body must be treated in accordance with its legitimate needs, but this is not the ultimate goal in life. Hillel however, was a ‘tzaddik’, a righteous person. He did not identify with his animal soul as a leading force in his consciousness – but WE do, and we find it hard to separate and distinguish between what is good for both our bodies and our souls, and what is only temporarily good for our ‘animal’ aspect.
Thus we find that when there is a conflict between what the animal soul tells us we want, and what the G-dly soul tells us we SHOULD want, there is tension.
There is a story (source: ‘From my Father’s Shabbat Table’ by Rabbi Yehuda Chitrik). The holy Baal Shem Tov would invest much effort in rescuing and ransoming Jewish captives from wicked ‘noblemen’ who would throw them into prison, sometimes a miserable pit, for the crime of not being able to pay rent. One Shabbat at the meal, a Jew who had been ransomed that Friday had been invited to stay with the Baal Shem Tov for Shabbat, together with the Baal Shem Tov’s disciples. The Baal Shem Tov prodded him to share something from his experiences. He suddenly remembered an incident that occurred that Friday before he was freed. When he had been in the dark pit he would hear eerie voices that would moan and wail, but on Friday afternoons they would suddenly shriek with laughter. On that last Friday the laughter was louder than ever! At that point the Jew already knew he was to be freed and he mustered up the courage to shout out “who are you?” A voice answered him and explained that they were evil spirits who were busy trying to cause a certain righteous Jew to sin. All week this Jew would study Torah and fast, but in order not to enter into Shabbat while fasting, he would prepare a cup of milk for himself to consume before Shabbat. Each Friday however, the spirits would cause the milk to spill so that the righteous person would lose his temper, and that is why the spirits would laugh. The righteous man however, was putting up a struggle. That week he had been determined not to fall into the trap. He placed the milk in a locked cupboard so that nothing should happen to it till he came home to drink it. One of the spirits assumed the appearance of a coarse farmer and knocked on the righteous man’s front door when he was not yet home. His wife answered the door and heard that she could purchase firewood for a bargain price. She unlocked the cupboard to get some money and… the milk spilled. When her husband came home, he became angry! That is why the spirits laughed loader than ever.
When the released captive finished his tale, one of the disciples present fainted…
When circumstances run contrary to what we think we need, we are angry. G-d however, runs the world. We must trust that He knows what is best. That is why learning the section of ‘Gateway to Faith’ in ‘The Path of the Just’ is a very good antidote to anger. We can take a que from King David, who understood that his enemies were only pawns in G-d’s hands.
Good luck to all of us in strengthening our spiritual immune systems by strengthening our faith in G-d, who runs the show!
