Names and genders
Shalom and thank you for your question. You wish to know if one can add a male name (such as David) as a middle name to the existing name of a female, you also wish to know the reasoning. We have seen the response of a chief Rabbi of one of Israel’s cities on this subject. He maintains that one should not give a female a male name and vice versa, and his reasoning is that this can cause pain to a child who grows up and is likely to be teased by others due to his name. Also it can be confusing for the child himself or herself, ;since in the current era there is a trend of questioning one’s gender. For this reason he maintains that it is more important than ever to avoid this confusion. Additionally, he feels that it is better to avoid adding a female end to a male name, such as turning Daniel into Daniella, Rephael into Rephaela, Yosef into Yosefa etc. He believes that this can also lead to confusion as the child may try to resemble the person of the opposite gender after whom he or she was named.
I am not sure that the latter idea, of changing the actual name being problematic, (turning it into feminine for example,) is the general consensus of all Rabbinical authorities. In general, it is very important to have a competent Rabbi who knows you, as it is written in Pirkei Avot 1:6, “Make (take) for yourself a Rabbi and acquire for yourself a friend.” When you have an ongoing relationship with a Rabbi who has gotten to know you, you are able to consult with him about your unique personal situation. In the case of a name for example, I do know of people who are named for relatives of the opposite gender, but I think that in most of these cases the person receiving the name did not even know the person they were named after, because they were no longer alive.
The abovementioned statement of the Sages of the Talmud can refer as well to having a mentor. If you are a woman you can have a female mentor, and in any case, your Rabbi can serve as both a Rabbi and a mentor, or you can consult your Rabbi mainly about matters of Jewish law, Halacha, and your mentor about things such as the progress you are making in your spiritual life, which touches on a wide variety of issues in your life.
You do not state the reason that you asked this question, but if for example you wanted to add the name of someone who was dear to you, a brother who died G-d forbid, or a very special person who is no longer with you, there is another way to perpetuate the memory. That person may have been dear to you because of their personality, because of their warmth, good deeds, or other good reasons. One can make a good resolution to initiate or continue a project that characterizes that person or that continues the work that he or she was busy with. There are endless possibilities.
A final word. Regarding the issue of gender confusion, it is unfortunately a continuation of trends that have caused the breakdown of the family unit, and caused a tremendous amount of confusion and soul searching among people, especially young people, leading them away from the very things that could give them the feelings of stability and meaning that they actually seek. Many years ago I was at a convention where a famous international motivational speaker was presenting. He was speaking a lot about marital harmony. When he invited questions from the audience, a couple of single people got up and asked, what about ‘singles’? You have been addressing married people… The speaker was not fazed by the question. He explained that you are not single, you come from somewhere. You do have somewhere that you came from and someone to relate to, even if you are not married. It is true that even back then many people came from ‘single parent’ homes, and today this is much more common. However, the message is that in most cases, there is someone in your life with whom you can work on a relationship, and create harmony. This gives you part of the meaning people are looking for.
Males and females are different – generally, (stemming from different combinations of G-dly energies, according to Kabbala,) and the family unit is potentially something that can utilize those differences in a manner that creates meaning and beauty. The fact that often we are very far from that ideal is only due to lack of knowledge and awareness.
We hope that this has been helpful and welcome further questions.
