Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

category:  Chassidut

My boyfriend and I have been

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years, and he spent the last year at a Yeshiva in Israel. Now we are together at college together. We have talked about getting married many times in the past, but now being on a big college campus instead of his small private school with 60 kids, he has told me that he can’t help but be attracted to all the girls on campus. He has said that even the greatest rabbis struggle with shielding their eyes and have even written books about this. But I feel as if more and more I could be holding him back if he really does want to see what is out there, although I dont believe that aligns with his values. Is this true that many rabbis struggle with also being attracted to women when theyre in relationships or married?
Thank you

Shalom and thank you for your question!
Yes, it’s true that even great Rabbis struggle with temptation, the Sages of the Talmud teach us that ‘He who is greater than his friend has a greater (evil) inclination than his friend…’. Not only great Rabbis however, but all of us must contend with temptation.

In fact, there is a principle in Jewish law that ‘There is no guarantor against promiscuity’.

So when we need to study a vocation, it’s best if possible to do it in a framework where there is as little as possible mixing between males and females.

In your circumstances, it’s desirable to have your relationship defined. Try and explain to your friend that because of the above, the best course of action is to make a definite commitment to get married.

Wishing you much success, and a good and sweet New Year!

Sources

“כל הגדול מחברו יצרו גדול הימנו”

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