Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

category:  Chassidut

My adult son age 45 after struggling for

My adult son age 45 after struggling for years with low wage jobs, spent his last few dollars and $1000 help from me to move to California for either a promise of a better job or he was deceived or he deceived me, He has deceived me before but insists he is reformed. But the bond of trust has been weakened at several points over the last 30 years. He must have hidden some of his thoughts and actions from me. I am his mother’s 2nd ex-husband. She is now on husband #5 at age 74. He lived with her although he was with me weekends through high school. Now he is asking me for 3 months “rent” allegedly owed to the “friend” he presently lives with in California. He mentioned if I would fund him, considering moving in with me and his stepmother in Pittsburgh. At present he has no job prospects in Pittsburgh and he claims to be inseperable from his pit bull dog, meaning the idea of having him and the pit bull live with us is exceedingly distressful to my wife. Almost a deal breaker I think after 31 years. I am stressed to the gills, it hurts my health. I pray daily about this but seem to have no answers. I am hardly as bad off as Job but it still hurts. What do you think?

Shalom and thank you for your question.

It sounds like you are a very caring father who has gone to great lengths to help your son, and this is commendable, and also as it should be, since the connection between a parent and a child is a deep spiritual one.

The situation however is very complex, since you have your limitations and he has his. We suggest referring him to professional help, and if he would not be willing to go for help, you yourself might want to get professional help as to how to deal with the situation.

Shalom, continuing on from the answer to your question about how to deal with your son, our feeling is that it would be worthwhile turning to someone in your area for a more in-depth discussion of the various factors. Perhaps you might like to contact your local Chabad house, or the nearest one. (look up Chabad in your area) and ask for an appointment with their Rabbi /representative.

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