Shalom and thank-you for turning to us. We would be happy to mention the name you sent us in prayer, and there is another thing that can be done in the realm of obtaining help from Heaven. There is a custom to write a letter to the Lubavitcher Rebbe and insert it into a volume of his published letters, randomly, and often there will be blessing and sometimes guidance as well, in the letter you opened out to. Since not everyone is in possession of said volumes, of which there are at least thirty some, there is a website called Igrot Kodesh where you will find an explanation and digital access to the volumes. It is customary though, when in need of blessing, to write the Jewish name of the person/s to be blessed, and their mother’s Jewish name. Non-Jews can ask for blessing also and should also write their mothers name. (Even if the mother is no longer alive.) Prayer is definitely a key ingredient to handling life’s challenges in an optimal manner.
Indeed marital harmony is part of the foundation of human society. The Talmud states that when a person divorces his first wife, the very altar (of the Holy Temple,) sheds tears! The question is, what can be done in the situation you are referring to, practically speaking?
Do the couple in question have children? Have they been to counseling? If they have children it is an extra reason to do everything possible to effect reconciliation.
There is a story in the Talmud of a sincere non-Jew who wished to convert to Judaism, but was not very patient at first. He approached one of the famous sages, Shamai, and asked to be taught the entire Torah while standing on one foot. Shamai felt that this person was behaving disrespectfully and shooed him away. The potential convert then approached the sage called Hillel with the same request, and was then told “Do not do unto others what you would not want done unto you… that is the entire Torah, the rest is commentary. Now go and learn!” The person in fact did go and learn and became a righteous convert. Elsewhere we are taught that loving our fellow is in effect loving G-d, whom we are also commanded to love. How can we be commanded to love G-d, and what does all this have to do with an estranged couple? To succeed in reaching our goals in life, we must first determine what they are, and sometimes reassessment is in order. If a person is having challenges with marriage or other important relationships, he/she must reassess who they are, what their goals are, and whether or not these goals are in keeping with the mission G-d gave them on earth. If a person says, “I want to make money and have a good life, and of course be a good person,” but the efforts that he has put in are all in the money-making direction and the matter of “being a good person” has been left to occur on its own, then, logically speaking, he is liable to be more successful in the first endeavor than the second.
Thus, in a case of marital harmony, it is very worthwhile to get counseling, both in the spiritual realm, as it says in the tractate ‘Ethics of the Fathers’, “Make for yourself a Rabbi and acquire for yourself a friend,” and in the professional realm of marriage counseling. If G-d forbid it still doesn’t work out with the marriage, then we believe, hope and pray, that it may be the beginning of a better chapter in his life.
We hope and pray that there will be success in the above-mentioned situation, and that in any case, the person in question will utilize the advice of the Sages in order to get guidance in general and do the best he can with his life.
