Shalom and thank you for your question! It is admirable that you have the healthy self-awareness that there are behaviours of yours that can be changed for the better, such as having thrown food out of anger. It is certainly true that the Code of Jewish Law forbids such an act. There are things that can be done to remedy the situation. Firstly, repentance has three stages in Jewish law. They are admission, regret, and resolve. You have accomplished the first stage by admitting your wrongdoing. This is already a wonderful start. It seems that you have also accomplished the second stage, regret, since you trouble yourself to find out how to remedy the situation. The third step is very quick, but not always so simple. That is, to make a resolution not to do it again. You may say, but what if I mess up? What if I do it again? Sometimes I can’t help myself! What can I do??
There are Biblical expressions of an angry G-d. Truthfully, the commentators explain that the Torah uses these kinds of expressions because humans can relate to them. Humans cannot understand an infinite G-d who is above and beyond the limitations of human emotion. G-d tests us, and all He really wants is for us to TRY. Success is not reaching a certain standard, success is trying. Among the teachings of the sages of the Talmud, a statement stands out that illustrate this idea:
“It is not your task to finish the project, but neither are you free to desist from it…” This is true success, constantly putting in effort. Moreover, the sages teach us “Along the path that a person desires to go, he is led.” This means that when a person is sincere, he merits help from Heaven to accomplish what he needs to. Another teaching of the Sages is the clincher: They put forth three scenarios. Firstly, someone comes along and claims: “I have tried but not succeeded.” Or they say, “I haven’t tried and nevertheless I have succeeded”. In both of these scenarios, do not believe them. If however, someone comes along and says, “I have tried and I HAVE succeeded,” then you may believe them.
All this is not to say that it is easy. Our behaviour patterns are influenced by our childhood and environment, as the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitchak Shneerson taught in his work on education Kuntreis Chinuch v’Hadracha.
The Hebrew word for faith is emunah. It shares a root with the word imun, which means practice. We must constantly feed our faith in G-d’s goodness and in His trust in us lhat we will come through for Him. How do we do this? By constantly learning Torah. When we learn Torah, we are connecting with G-d Himself, because the Torah is the Divine will and wisdom.
There is a book called Tanya, which is a basic text of Chassidic teaching. You can find many lessons in Tanya online, but it is even better to learn in person, if you contact your nearest Chabad House they will certainly help you find a relevant class in a supportive environment. The book of Tanya deals with the makeup of the Jewish soul and elevates our consciousness. Among other things, it explains that the word we translate as repentance, Teshuva, is formed from two words, Tashuv Hei, which is about returning to G-d and returning G-dliness to the world. So ‘repentance’ really means strengthening our relationship with G-d.
There is a famous saying of the sage Rabbi Akiva: “Love your neighbour as you love yourself,” and the continuation is that this actually summarizes the Tora…, “The rest is commentary, go and learn.” Loving our neighbour is an important aspect of loving G-d!
How does this help you? How does it help all of us with our various challenges?
If we are busy thinking about how to HELP the next person with whatever he needs, materially, emotionally, or spiritually, how to reach out with love to those near and far, then automatically we are not busy with negative thoughts or emotions.
Love. The secret weapon.
Wishing you all the best!
