Keeping the peace under difficult circumstances

Shalom Tiara and thank you for your question! For starters, you have a very nice name, in English it means a sort of crown.  The Hebrew equivalent is Atara in case you are interested.

Before relating to your crucial question, I’d like to get a better feel of your situation. You write that you have found answers to most of your questions. Do I take this to mean that you are convinced that you wish to adopt the Jewish way of life? Are you aware that the Torah contains 613 mitzvot (commandments,)  with many details, meaning that Jewish law pertains to every aspect of a person’s life from the way you go to sleep and the way you wake up to many details of how to keep kosher, keep Shabbat and holidays?  A conversion is not valid according to Jewish law, (Halacha,) unless it is performed according to Jewish law, which involves Rabbinical supervision, study, and practice within a certain framework.

If you are aware of all the above, and are sure you wish to embark on this spiritual journey, it is essential to have a Rabbi and Rebbetzin (Rabbi’s wife or knowledgeable orthodox woman who can guide you,) who can be there for you on your journey and refer you to sources of knowledge, show you how things work practically in a Jewish home, and lots more.

Assuming that this is your situation already, how does it relate to your child?  In the Jewish approach to education, there are stages according to a child’s age. Early childhood, starting from birth, (before birth is a separate topic which is not relevant in our present discussion,) is the time for training. Just as in Western society we must train a toddler to hold our hand while crossing the road and not run out on to the road by himself/herself, and train him/her to use the facilities, brush their teeth, wash their hands, eat from a plate etc; we train a toddler by providing an environment for him/her which is in accordance with Jewish law and outlook. We would not let him be exposed to videos which we don’t approve of even before he is old enough to understand. We feed him food on the Sabbath which is different from weekday, and dress him differently than on weekday. The child sees his mother light the Sabbath candles… At three years old we begin training the children to perform the Mitzvot themselves. Boys begin to wear the fringed garment called ‘Tzitzit,’ and in many homes a three year old girl already lights a Sabbath candle herself. Also the Hebrew alphabet is usually taught at around three years of age, beginning the process of studying Torah. All along at every age, stories are told of righteous Jewish men, women and children who stood firm in their faith and withstood many trials and tribulations, placing their belief in G-d and their concern for the next person’s welfare as top priority. At age nine a child reaches a higher level of understanding, and can be expected to start emulating his elders in more areas.

Thus, your son is ripe for having your journey explained to him, and if you are serious, there is some catch up work to do, but it is never too late, we are all a work in progress.

When the parent is sincere, the child will most likely follow in the parents footsteps. The approach of Jewish law to your question, is that you raise the child as Jewish, explaining to him that when he becomes Bar Mitzvah (meaning that he reaches the age of thirteen and in now obligated according to Jewish law to keep the commandments, or a girl reaches twelve years of age, ditto,) he has FREE CHOICE as to whether or not to accept Judaism as his religion or not.

Most children in such cases opt to follow their parents, some do not, and some refuse at that stage but convert at a later stage.

Again, it is essential to have a connection with a practicing orthodox Rabbi and Rebbetzin as close by as possible to ensure that you have appropriate guidance. We wish you success in all your endeavors!