Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

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Is there a way out of disaster?

I tried to obey the commandments of the Torah and live rightly, but God brings many misfortunes and disasters into my life. I prayed to God for peace and happiness, but God always disappointed me and saddened me with calamities for a decade. I always feel ashamed of my life and feel lonely and not happy. I often think why I should honor a God who gives me sorrow and disaster. I wonder if I am being cursed by God.

Is there a way out of disaster?

Shalom and thank you for your question. I am sorry that you have been encountering so much difficulty in your life, and pray that your problems will be resolved. You feel victimized by G-d and feel that this is affecting your faith.


No-one can presume to dismiss your pain as irrelevant and tell you to just ‘go on with life’. No, your pain is real and legitimate, for although you do not detail the calamities that you have encountered, it is not hard to believe that you have experienced difficulties – even severe ones, because unfortunately it is not an uncommon situation, and the fact that unfortunately there are many challenging situations and many – too many, types of difficulties, does not make it easier for you.


The book of Iyov (Job) in the Torah gives us a certain perspective on suffering. There are different opinions as to which era Job lived in, if he actually lived at all, and why he had to endure intense suffering. The consensus though is that he was exceptionally righteous ‘There was no-one more righteous among the nations’ (Devarim Rabbah 2:4) and that he went through tremendous suffering at the behest of the Satan, who upon being told of Iyov’s righteousness by G-d, insisted that were Iyov to be tested he would not be so righteous. Indeed, at first after suffering the loss of not only his entire wealth but the loss of all his children as well, Iyov initially stood firm in his faith. “I came out of my mother’s womb naked and I will return there naked, G-d has given, and G-d has taken away, may the Name of G-d be blessed.”(Job 1:20-21) Then the Satan received permission to strike even harder and Iyov was smitten with a painful and debilitating skin condition as well, so that his wife couldn’t bear to see his suffering and told him to curse G-d and die, whereupon he did not sin with his mouth, but rather said “Will we accept the good from G-d and not the bad?” (Job 2:17). However at that point he did waver in his heart. The situation worsened and he could no longer hide his feelings, but G-d spoke to him saying “Where were you when I founded the earth? Speak up if you have understanding!” Iyov then understands his fallibility and becomes reconciled to follow G-d and His ways. He begs forgiveness and prays for his companions as well (who had come to express their sympathy and solidarity) and G-d restores all his wealth and he merits to have more children and remain very successful till the end of his life. According to certain opinions Iyov suffered because at one point he had been an advisor to Pharaoh in Egypt and did not give good advice regarding the Jewish people. However the common denominator between all the commentaries is that Iyov was tested and ultimately remained loyal to G-d, and this story serves as a prototype story about faith and suffering.


We pray every day in the morning prayers not to be tested. However most of us are tested, and we do not necessarily know about the tests our friends and neighbours endure.  People often do not reveal the extent of their personal suffering to others. Sometimes a person has periods where life is indeed rosy and then suddenly tragedy strikes, while others experience prolonged suffering, G-d forbid. What matters is that we must make every effort to find the positive in our situation. I remember once reading a letter by a person who had accompanied a loved one through a prolonged period of suffering that ended in death, and she suggested that in a situation like that, when we pray, it doesn’t have to be for great miracles, it can also be for ‘small’ but important things such as that the nurse looking after the patient should be pleasant and efficient, and all kinds of things that contribute to making great trials a little easier here and a little easier there. I believe that we should never give up on requesting salvation, but at the same time, that letter points to the importance of finding and recognizing those little points of light in the darkness. Last week we came to pick up our son from hospital after a small operation, and the staff member who came to remake the hospital bed was so full of positive energy that it truly uplifted our spirits. Thank-you G-d!


How does trust work? The Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Shneerson, emphasized the importance of learning a particular mussar work, called ‘Chovot haLevavot’, (Duties of the heart) and specifically the section called ‘Gate of Trust.’ Look up Chabad.org about an English publication of this work which also has commentary according to Chassidic teaching. This is a must for everybody in order to strengthen our trust. Sometimes we think ‘who am I that G-d should pay attention to me or do anything for me?’ Of course this is a mistaken train of thought. The Rebbe teaches that the very act of trusting in G-d – since it is indeed a challenge – gives us merit and thus makes us more worthy of G-d’s blessings.


Taking inventory of your problems. There is a Chassidic story of a person who had many debts. He went to consult with a great Rabbi who asked him how much it all amounted to – he then advised the man to ask G-d for THAT total amount – rather than agonizing over each separate debt. In order to do this it is best to have a mentor, a person you respect who is knowledgeable in Torah and who you respect, as recommended in Pirkei Avot 1:6. The Sages teach that a person who is imprisoned cannot free himself, he needs help from the outside.


We hope that these words have been somewhat helpful and welcome further questions. Wishing you all the best!

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