Shalom and thank you for turning to us! We are sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, may she rest in peace! We empathize with the distressing circumstance of having an estranged son.
It is unfortunately not unusual in our times to hear of people whose children have become alienated from them. There are factors in modern ‘culture’ which, sadly, contribute to misguided mindsets. However, due to this it is worthwhile to work on a forgiving attitude even if the sin seems unforgivable! Why would we say such a thing?
I will share with you the story of King Menashe, (also known as Manasseh) one of the ancient kings of Israel, (Book of Kings). King Menashe was one of the most wicked kings of Israel there ever was. He worshipped idols and encouraged the people to worship them, as well as discouraging them from worshipping the true G-d. He knew his Creator and intended to rebel against Him! When a foreign nation took him captive and tortured him he called on the idols to help him, but of course they didn’t. He then returned to the faith of his fathers and the torture stopped. He repented wholeheartedly, and his soul underwent rectification until it became righteous. At one point in later generations his soul revealed itself to a great Jewish sage, who asked him how he could have done such a terrible thing – to worship idols? King Menashe’s soul answered the sage that were he to have lived in the era that King Menashe did, he would have lifted the hem of his robe in order to run all the faster to worship idols, so great was the urge for that sin in that period! So to in the period in which we find ourselves, there are negative influences which affect our children and mislead them.
It is very important to carry out the will of the deceased, and therefore since your mother o.b.m. specified how she wishes her property to be divided, that is how it should be done, and it is not for us to raise questions and doubts about it. However it is possible to be optimistic. If your alienated child sees that despite everything he is receiving his portion which is equal to that of the other children, he may perhaps come to see that there was no good reason to become alienated in the first place! Even if that doesn’t happen, you will have done your duty. Your mother is now in the world of truth, and her soul definitely desires that there should be no strife in the family. Your decision to respect her final wishes and overlook negativity, can only bring her satisfaction.
In a letter to a person suffering from incessant regrets over previous misdeeds, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Shneerson, shares a fascinating insight as to how to identify internal thought processes that are productive – or otherwise. If the thought leads us to advance in our service of G-d by performing his commandments happily, it comes from a good and holy place. I quote: (Igros Kodesh #10138) “In your regard, acts of good deeds will cause nachas to your father’s soul, of blessed memory, not thoughts of despair.”
To truly give honor to your mother’s soul, it is important that you strengthen yourself in the performance of the Mitzvot and learning Torah. This will truly benefit your mother’s soul as well as having a good effect on you yourself and your family – even your estranged son. We do not always perceive the rewards we get for the mitzvot, but they are there just the same!
