I have been a thief all of my life. I was raised with a value for thievery as a measure of prowess and achievement. The more creative the theft, the more admirable. Being naturally astute I honed my talents to a science. I can look at virtually any system and find ways to evade paying for something. Needless to say, deception and trickery was pervasive in every aspect of my life. In my business dealings, “salesmanship” was the word I would use to explain away the lies and manipulation. I don’t remember what it feels like to tell the truth.
I am now an adult and moving towards being shomer shabbos. I fundamentally believe that everything comes from G-d. That mere possession of something does not mean a thing! I have resolved never to take anything that does not belong to me, nor to deceive anyone in even the slightest way, no matter the personal consequence.
Rabbi,
1. How do I atone for a life of thievery and deception? There’s no conceivable way for me to calculate how much I stole in my life, let alone from whom, and no hope of paying most of these people back. I don’t have the money.
2. How do I pay Ma’asser from money that is part legitimate and part illicit?