Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

category:  Family

Family problems

I have a daughter who is 33 and is a healthy, haredi kindergarten teacher in Jerusalem. I’m not able to find her the shidduch (match for marriage) she wants, and don’t know to whom to turn. Her father and I divorced and both remarried happily, however her father has not helped at all in this matter, and my second husband passed away 5 years ago. Who can I get to help my daughter find her match? My friends gave me lists of shadchanim (matchmakers) to call, but most told me they don’t deal with girls over 30 and one that did set her up once, but she was not attracted to the boy. I am worried since she is getting older.
My second problem is that I have a granddaughter who doesn’t dress modestly, and two others who don’t talk to me respectfully and I don’t know how to deal with them. I want to do what is right but I also do not want to let them think I condone their behavior. Who can I speak to for help with a child who is going off the beaten track of a Torah observant life? One of my granddaughters said she has an intense love for HaShem, but she just wants to dress like a non-observant Jew. Two more of my granddaughters seem to be having problems with their observance. How do I help these children see that only keeping Torah and Mitzvos brings true happiness? My daughter said she is following a path where you don’t tell children what to do, so that they won’t rebel, but I find it hard not to say anything. It feels as though I don’t care if I don’t say anything.
Thank you very much for any advice and help you can give me.

Answer

we strongly recommend that you turn to a rebbtizn or rabbi who know you personally they will be able to truly help you in your situation

it is very important that one follows the directive “asieh lcha rav” that one is to appoint for themselves a rav – mentor who can properly give them advice and help them through a tricky situation and then you can follow the advice given to you.

with regards to shidduchim there is a organization called adi ad maybe they can help you
https://www.adeyad.org/

AS a rule it is very tricky to coherence ones grandchildren how to act and in today’s age it is very important to shower them with love and that will god willing bring them closer to Hashem.

Sources

You mention two problems, the first being finding a shidduch for your daughter who is 33 years old. There is an organization called Adey Ad, perhaps they can help you.

https://www.adeyad.org.


Your second problem is that you care very much about the education your grandchildren are getting and which path they choose in life, and this is very heartwarming. As a rule, it is tricky to deal with grandchildren. There really is no way to force them into any sort of behavior pattern. Showering them with love can only help bring them closer to HaShem, with G-d’s help. Pirkei Avot teaches us the importance of having a friend and a mentor, who can help us see the whole picture and make progress. It’s important to confer with such a person, who could be a rabbi or rebbetzin, or another person who knows you and your family and whom you trust and respect.