Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

category:  Shabbat

Do family traditions always go according to the husband’s family?

The Rav Name: Rabbi Maor David Cohen

I know family traditions go according to the husband’s family, but what about a female tradition from the wife’s mother? Such as: My mother lights Shabbos candles from oil and his lights with candles. Also, she only lights two candles when traveling, while my mother-in-law lights the same amount as usual.
Who’s tradition do I follow?

Thank you!

In general, the customs in the home do go according to the husband’s tradition, in order that there should be a clear path for the family to follow, and thus prevent conflict. This is in the case where the husband received the tradition from his forefathers or his community, and not of his own accord.


If a woman wishes to be stricter, in accordance with her family’s traditions, there are opinions that forbid it, and there are opinions that allow it.


If the woman’s husband agrees to her following her own family traditions, then the matter is settled according to all opinions.

Sources

לעניין שהולכים אחר מנהגי הבעל, עיין: תשב”ץ ח”גת ע”ט, שו”ע הרב או”ח תס”ח סעיף טו, שו”ת אגרות משה אורח חיים ח”א סי’ קנח, ואבהע”ז ח”ד ס’ ק, שו”ת מנחת יצחק ח”ד סי’ פג-פד. ועוד, ויש בזה טעמים רבים וחלוקים ונפקא מיניה רבים ואכ”מ.


לעניין הרוצה להחמיר כמנהגי אבותיה עיין בשו”ת מנחת יצחק ח”ד סי’ פג ובמקורות שם.