Decluttering my space

The Rav Name: Rabbi Yitzchak Arad

Hi Rabbi, I have a strange problem and I was hoping you might be able to provide some guidance on how to overcome this struggle, maybe how to think about it from a Torah or spiritual standpoint, or any another suggestion to inspire me in my struggle to overcome this….

I have a strange attachment to things. I can’t throw out even certain types of garbage without actually crying and sweating and obsessing over it. I have a small room in my parents house (where I live too- I am 26) full almost from floor to ceiling with things– you can’t even walk in. There are even useless, stupid notes of directions or a shopping list or things like that. It’s very painful to even think of throwing them out, so I’ve let them accumulate. Every year I try to throw things away in there because I feel it all weighing on me and bringing me down, but it’s too hard to do, and I can’t. So far it is contained to that space, but I worry about a time when it will spread, and I want to stop it before it gets to that point. I am also embarrassed of this and don’t want people in my life to know about it. I have tried reading “self help” books and tried all different secular therapy techniques, but nothing has helped me and I haven’t been able to overcome this.

I feel like I am PART of these items and if I throw them out, like I am throwing part of myself out. I feel like it’s all part of who I am. It sounds so stupid. But I don’t know what to do. I also feel nostalgic and sentimental about some of the items, either because they bring back memories of a time or a person, or because someone special gave it to me. And sometimes I think the items may become useful in some way in the future and I may need them again. But I can’t find those things even if I wanted to, because they are buried under everything else!

I don’t seem to know how to draw the line between “acceptable to save” and “should be thrown away”. It is a real problem with decision making too. It probably boils down to a question of ego… but I wouldn’t know how to fix it. I have a great imagination and I can’t even imagine throwing any of it out. I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to. I want to, but every time I try, I just stand there and feel too paralyzed or emotional to do anything. If someone touches anything or even suggests throwing it out, I break down crying.

Do you have any guidance on how to handle this? Or something that I can think about as I try to throw things out or something to “answer back” to my mind when I don’t let myself throw things out? Even something spiritual to scare me, or anything at all to help. And if by some miracle, if I ever do clean these things out, how can I think of things to prevent this from happening again?

This has been weighing on me for years and getting worse as I get older. I am a very strong person but I still lose these battles with my mind, it is too overpowering and it’s draining me. I feel trapped in my mind and my body and I feel so desperate to get help and fix this. I know it seems so silly — just throw out this garbage! But I can’t do it!! And I don’t know what to do.

Thank you so much for reading this and for anything you can suggest here.

Shalom and thank you for your question. You wish to know what kind of conversion your daughter should undergo. There is no true conversion other than orthodox conversion, bear with me as I will shed some light on this topic. This is not to negate good Jewish things done by any Jew anwhere, every Jew and his or her connection to G-d and to the Jewish people is of supreme importance.

Today is the first of the Hebrew month Sivan. It is the day the Jewish people, having been freed from Egypt, camped at the foot of Mount Sinai “As one person with one heart!” This is the commentary of Rashi – Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki, on the Torah portion of Jethro 19:1-2, which says “and he camped at the foot of the mountain” – using the singular form. Rashi is answering the obvious question – why does the Torah use singular form when we are talking about the entire Jewish people? His explanation points to the fact that although before and after receiving the Torah there were issues of divisiveness in the nation, at the actual time of receiving the Torah we were united. This is because for one thing, that unity is what made us worthy of receiving the Torah.

So every action of every Jew to connect with G-d and with the Jewish people counts. But who ARE the Jewish people? The ones who did indeed receive the Torah at Mt. Sinai and their descendants, and true converts. Why are descendants Jewish? The descendants were influenced spiritually by the experience of receiving the Torah. When a person experiences something it is engraved in his brain and he becomes predisposed to reliving that experience in some way. On a national level also there is a spiritual DNA from the experience of receiving the Torah which grants the people potential for keeping the commandments and revealing their essential connection with G-d. Truthfully the ultimate reason for the above definition of Jewishness is because this is how it is defined in the Torah, but I explained a little bit about how we can understand it. This national experience of receiving the Torah by the way, is unique to the Jewish people and religion. It is not the vision received by a prophet on his/her own. Millions of individuals were there and handed down that knowledge throughout the generations.

In Tractate Avot 1:1 we learn that “Moses received Torah at Sinai and handed it to Joshua and Joshua handed it to the Elders and they to the Prophets.” This shows the continuity of our religion. But which Torah are we talking about? Both the Written Torah and the Oral Torah. This is the entire body of Jewish law – Halacha, Midrash, Kabbala and more. It is a package deal. Without the Oral Law, we cannot understand the Written Law. An example of this is that the Torah says in Deuteronomy 6:8 “and they shall be for a sign between your eyes”. This refers to Tefillin, phylacteries. The Chumash text does not describe the phylacteries, moreover, the term ‘between your eyes’ would seem to imply that they should be on the bridge of our noses! So how is it that Jews worldwide for thousands of years have been putting on Tefillin comprised of black leather boxes with black leather straps, and the same Torah sections written on parchment by a scribe are inserted into the boxes, the Tefillin for the head being placed above the forehead ‘between the eyes’ and not on the bridge of our nose? It is because the details of how to perform the mitzvot have been given together with the Written Law, and that is the Oral Law. The basic principles will never change, while certain details do change according to certain circumstances. For example, Shabbat must be kept at all costs unless there are certain extenuating circumstances such as a medical emergency. All of this is according to the Thirteen Principles by which the Torah is interpreted, which were also handed down with the Written Torah and are of Divine origin as well.

Thus, a true conversion must be carried out according to that same unchangeable body of law, WITH A COMITTMENT TO LIVING ACCORDINGLY.

It is interesting to note that the mitzvah of lighting Chanukah candles is of Rabbinic origin, and not only is it a mitzvah that many Jews who are not overtly affiliated love to perform, but it celebrates religious ‘extremism’! You see, when the Maccabees reentered the Temple after G-d helped them miraculously throw off the Assyrian-Greek yoke, they could have lit the Menorah from oil which had been defiled by the Greeks, according to Halacha. They chose however, to search sincerely for pure oil, which was actually going beyond the letter of the law, and that is when G-d helped them out with another miracle. (True conversion however is basic and not at all going beyond the letter of the law.)

At Mt Sinai we received the Torah in unity, let us continue to practice it in true unity, based on its true principles.

May you have lots of Nachas (spiritual satisfaction) from your daughter and yourself!

Sources

DAAT CENTER - JUDAISM IN THE LIGHT OF KABALA AND CHASSIDUS

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Decluttering my space

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DAAT CENTER - JUDAISM IN THE LIGHT OF KABALA AND CHASSIDUS

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