Shalom and thank you for your question! First and foremost, I must assure you that it is totally possible for you to adapt to an orthodox way of life. This is written in the Torah portion of Nitzavim in Deuteronomy, (the book of Dvarim,) where it says: “For the matter is close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.”
Let’s start with the creation of the world. The Talmud (also known as Gemara or Gemorah) states that G-d ‘looked into the Torah and created the world,’ meaning that just as an architect has a blueprint for his building, so the Creator used the Torah as a blueprint for the world. What does this mean to us? It means that it’s not like there’s a world, there’s G-d, and there’s how I choose to relate to G-d, or not relate. It goes much much deeper than that. G-d, according to Chassidic teaching and major Jewish sources, is infinite, absolutely not subject to any kind of definition whatsoever. G-d wants a ‘dwelling place’, in other words, a situation where there are created beings who have a choice as to whether or not to acknowledge Him and carry out His will, there are obstacles to making the right choice, and those obstacles are overcome. So G-d creates (and constantly recreates every millisecond,) the world, giving every living being the choice to carry out the Divine will according to his or her role. For non-Jewish people there are seven Noahide laws, which include not stealing or killing, and setting up courthouses, among other things. There are many details to these laws and today there are places where non-Jews study and practice them. For Jews there are six hundred and thirteen commandments in the Torah. The most classic source that lists them is Maimonides, known as the Rambam. Many of these commandments will be able to be carried out in a complete form only in the final Redemption when the third Temple (Beit haMikdash) will be rebuilt, because they involve service in the Temple. Until that time however, learning about them is a temporary alternative to fulfilling them. While the Rambam lists the commandments and the specific sources in the Torah, the Oral law, which was passed down from Moses throughout the generations, (Ethics of the Fathers, Chapter 1:1) explains how to keep the commandments. Since each generation brings new circumstances and potential obstacles to keeping the law, the body of oral law keeps growing, because Torah scholars use the thirteen principles by which the Torah is expounded to learn how to apply the eternal principles to the ever-changing situations. Once upon a time electricity was not in use, so the books of oral law didn’t discuss how to use your refridgerator on the Sabbath without desecrating the Sabbath, or how to keep a hospital going on the Sabbath, and when it is permissible to drive to said hospital on the Sabbath. Today with digital technology, there are new issues that need to be worked out.
The Torah, comprised of Written and Oral law, is the blueprint, which also means that the ultimate destiny of every created being is to live accordingly.
Yes, there will be culture shock when a person changes their lifestyle. In Pirkei Avot there is a profound teaching which helps us contend with life’s issues.’Make for yourself a Rabbi and acquire for yourself a friend.’ Strange terminology. Why ‘make for yourself’ and not ‘take’ or ‘have’ a Rabbi? Because by accepting guidance, you are being proactive, and ‘making for yourself’. If you can find a Rabbi and Rebbetzin who are orthodox, and perhaps a little familiar with the Conservative mentality, they will be able to guide you as to where to start practicing orthodox Judaism. Your local Chabad house is a possibility.
Another teaching in Pirkei Avot is: ‘It is not incumbent on you to finish the job, neither are you free to desist from it.’ You may be familiar with the song: “Lo alecha ligmor…”
There is no one in this world who is completely perfect. We are here to strive to come closer to G-d, not to be perfect. We are a work in progress, and as long as we are alive, we have what to fix.
Having said all the above, I would like to point out that there are three mitzvot that are very much connected to women, and they are kashrut, Shabbat, and the laws of family purity. These are probably a very good place to start.
If you have a concerned and sensitive Rabbi and Rebbetzin, and you can be part of a group where your prospective husband and yourself feel comfortable and accepted, it will go a long way towards setting you on your wonderful journey
Mazaltov on your forthcoming marriage, and wishing you much happiness!
