Ask The Rabbi

Ask The Rabbi

category:  Chassidut

25th Anniversary

The Rav Name: Rabbi Yitzchak Arad

Dear Rabbi,
We are celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary next year with a full traditional wedding and reception.
Is it acceptable for me (the bride) to wear a dress of silver blue color? My original dress was white and I want to do something different to recognize the 25 year’s together. He will wear a traditional tuxedo with tallit and kippah (heirloom) and all other traditions will be followed.
Also, is it rude to ask the Rabbi to wear black with silver only? Last time I rented the tux for the Rabbi and made color requests. As you can see I’m particular but I also want to be correct, so the main question is the color of my dress.
Best regards,
Leah

Shalom Leah and thank you for your question!

Mazaltov and congratulations on your 25th wedding anniversary!

You are planning a big celebration, just like your original wedding. You want to have a ceremony with a Rabbi, and you want to know about dress codes. It sounds like it’s going to be a very special occasion, in good taste!

If you are not actually getting REmarried after having been officially divorced, (which doesn’t seem to be the case here,) then there is no call for another ceremony according to Jewish law. In Jewish life we make blessings on many of our daily activities, and more blessings for certain special occasions. There are many detailed laws governing cases where a blessing may need to be remade, for example if you did the ritual handwashing for eating bread, and your meal was interrupted, there are cases where you would have to do the ritual washing again without a blessing, and cases where you may have to wash again WITH a blessing.

In your case, if you have remained in the marital state, no new blessing should be made, because of the law based on the Ten Commandments where it states “You shall not take the name of the L-rd your G-d in vain.”

However, having a celebration (in accordance with the Covid rules of your local Health ministry) is definitely a worthwhile and important thing!

There is no particular dress code in Jewish law for such an occasion, except the dress code which is mandatory for ALL occasions, namely modesty. In orthodox circles men and women also dance separately.

Again, it is a very great thing to celebrate your having been married for 25 years. The Jewish way to do it, apart from eating (kosher food,) singing and dancing, is to have someone give over some words of spiritual inspiration based on true Torah concepts, in a way that will encourage the participants to strengthen their observance. The speaker can use your example of a long and happy relationship as an inspiration to get married and stay that way, since unfortunately fewer young people today see any reason to get married, let alone establish a family.

Those who are fortunate enough to have been granted the gift of children have been privileged to fulfill the first Mitzvah in the Torah, namely, “Be fruitful and multiply…” (Those who have not been thus privileged can fulfill it in other ways, such as supporting educational institutions with their financial assets and /or their talents. This counts especially when relating to education in Torah learning.)

We cannot underestimate the power of happiness, which contributes to spiritual and physical well-being.

The default nature of many people is to fall into negative thought patterns, leading to anxiety and depression, unless they take proactive steps to build up their mood and think about being grateful to G-d for the blessings they have received and celebrate them, as you are doing!

So we wish you many more long years together in good health and happiness!! Hope you will celebrate many more milestones!

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