The study of Kabbalah and Hassidic thought describes the parallels between the family structure and the structure of the sefirot (the ten attributes of Divine manifestation). According to this structure, the parents—father and mother—correspond to the attributes of chochmah (“wisdom”) and binah (“understanding”) respectively, while the children correspond to the midot (“emotions”). The significance of the image of the parents as the “head” of the family is that they are its guides: just as the head runs and guides the body, so are the parents meant to direct and conduct their children’s development. The midot express the feelings affected directly from the messages conveyed by chochmah and binah.
Just as physiologically each parent contributes differently to the makeup of the fetus, so is there do the father and mother contribute differently toward building the child’s self-awareness and image. The steadying influence of the father instills in the child a strong and stable self-image, whereas the warm and nurturing influence of the mother strengthens the child’s ability to relate to his or her surroundings, in learning to give and receive. A lack of these parental influences si likely to result in a lack in the child’s sense of security in his or her place in the world, as well as in the child’s inability to adjust to the surrounding environment.
Kindness and joy are also expressions of the attributes of wisdom and understanding, and they build up the child’s self-assurance and feelings of security in his or her ability to reach out and give to others. When the child is benefit of parental kindness and joy, this affects his or her self-image. The challenge of the parents is to keep their own struggles and difficulties separate from how they relate to their children.
There are several aspects of the importance of parental unity, each of which has its impact on the formation of the child’s psyche. According to the Zohar, the parents should be each other’s best, most reliable, and eternal friends. They share equally, giving joyfully and willfully to each other, conveying a clear and unified message to their children. These qualities build up the child’s ability to himself receive and the faith that what he lack will be provided by his environment, as well as, his ability to establish clear boundaries for himself. When the parents’ unity is defective, this can result in difficulties in these areas in the child.