During the first nine days of Av, girls in summer camps are sometimes given embroidery as an activity. Are we allowed to mend old clothes during the nine days? Are we allowed to sew on buttons that have fallen during the nine days?
One of the advantages of pre-arranged dating, ‘shidduchim,’ is that it is done (ideally) at a time when both potential partners feel ready to commit themselves to building a home in partnership with another person. Even before they meet, some research has been done to find out if the couple have some common characteristics and views on life, thus increasing the potential for compatibility.
Because the dating process is carried out privately, away from the public eye, there’s no pressure from the social environment, so if they don’t feel compatible, or even if the social scene wouldn’t have thought them a likely couple, it doesn’t affect their honest assessment of each other’s suitability. When the dating is done according to Jewish laws of modesty, and there is no physical contact before marriage, the focus can truly be on assessing goals and outlook together. After the wedding, the physical relationship helps the couple bond and build.
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