14. How is it best to behave towards people in the community, using the attribute of “Justice” or “Severity” when necessary without causing distance?
Three suggestions:
We must not err to the side of severity (strictness, withholding,) because if the severity is misplaced or overdone the results are liable to cause strife and distance in the extreme.
In order not to misuse the attribute of severity and lose the ability to have positive influence on your environment, here are three practical suggestions:
A. It is always worthwhile to use the attribute of severity in minimal dosage. Even if it is too weak, it can be increased if necessary. However if you start too strong, you will not have anyone left to deal with. If you begin with low dosage you are not risking distancing the other person or making him flee entirely.
B. The attribute of severity should be used after thought and planning, and not G d forbid out of heated negative emotions. By nature when a person is upset he spews out a lot of negative statements he wasn’t planning to say in the first place, therefore it is especially important to plan in advance exactly what you want to say, when and how, in a manner of ‘mind over heart’.
C. Don’t identify too strongly with anger and criticism, don’t internalize them. Remain indifferent to the feelings of anger and criticism, and make only a show of anger in a case that really calls for it. The Rambam says that anger is an attribute that has no place at all, and when a person needs to be angry and rebuke his family in order to put perspective on a deed which has been done, he must remain collected in his thoughts and only make a show of anger. That is to say, one should not actually identify with the feeling of anger, only use it as an external tool. One’s inner expression should be the attribute of kindness and mercy.